that I am now officially the momma of two full-time school-age kiddos.
Since October of 2002, I've completely dedicated my life to raising - nurturing, protecting, loving, encouraging, teaching, guiding, re-routing, cleaning, feeding, cuddling with, grooming, sharing, playing with, listening to, driving around, and general providing what I felt was the very best for my two beautiful kids in a desperate attmept to give them an upbringing that I did not have.
I am overprotective, to the nth degree. My husband sometimes calls me Momma Bear because of it. I've sacraficed a lot. I've been through a lot. It's been a bumpy road at times. Much, much more so than I ever imagined. But, I also never imagined, could never imagine, the love and fulfillment this girl and this boy have given to me. They've given me life, quiet honestly. Hope, happiness and joy all wrapped into two little bodies that I've been blessed with.
I remember hearing before I had kids, how parenting is the most challenging and the most rewarding job you'll ever have. That did not make any sense to me at the time. Afterall, I was a very driven and successful career person. Surely staying at home with kids all day would be a cinch compared to the deadlines, responsibilities and expecatations that I had from other adults. All I have to say about that is, DUDE - I WAS WRONG.
I think the thing that no one can ever really explain to one without kids, are about the emotional highs and lows that are tied to raising a child. It's a roller coaster sometimes. And there are days that you want to jump off. And then there are days of exhileration. Yesterday, for example, my son had to have his 3rd set of ear tubes surgically inserted and his aednoids removed. Yes, the day before his first day of full time school. It was a difficult day, yes. Then last night, as he was taking a bath and I was watching him like a hawk so that he wouldn't get water in his ears, I told him, as I do with both of my kids, "Do you know how much I love you?" Usually they just say, "YES, Mom. You say it all the time!" or "As big as space?" but this time, he said "I love you, more". Me = Melt.
Today I start a new chapter. I am excited. I am nervous. I am anxious to make people proud. I feel there are some in my life who see what I've done over the last 10 years as a step back from where I was (in my career). Most of all I am anxious to make me proud. I'm looking forward to doing more for myself. At the same time I am hopeful that my kids will remember these first years of their lives and know that, without a shadow of a doubt that their Momma did everything possible and within her power, for them. And I hope that they know I did it all because my love for them is unmeasurable. Even with every last bump in the road, I'd do it all over again. For them.